The Conservative Bite Me Coalition

03True conservatives detest the idea of a government so big and intrusive that it feels free to interfere with such basic liberties as selecting the food we are allowed to eat – a government so big it feels the need to blow up American citizens on American soil because it sounds like a good idea.

Kurt Schlichter had a great idea and while it applied specifically to Mayor “I’m God,” Bloomberg’s  obsession about what New Yorkers consumed, it applies even more so to today’s left-wing loonies.

These bossy snobs are getting out of hand and it is time to push back.  Besides being the American thing to do, resistance to this creeping left-wing totalitarianism is  a huge opportunity for conservatives.  It is time conservatives band together and form a more perfect union – the Conservative Bite Me Coalition.

Obedience to arbitrary authority is counter to everything we stand for.  We didn’t reluctantly cede a tiny bit of our personal sovereignty to the government so a bunch of know it all twerps could tell us what to eat, what to smoke, what to do and how to live or where to live  based on the notion of what’s good for society  because it is not far from the notion that government can decide who lives and who dies based on what’s good for society.

Sadly, the enablers of these uppity functionaries aren’t just the usual liberal nanny-staters.  You have putative RINOs conceding that “Well, I guess sugar is really bad. . .” as if it matters whether high fructose corn syrup is the devil’s brew or an elixir from the Fountain of Youth.  They should never reach the question of whether sugar is good, bad or indifferent; the mere posing of the question is antithetical to everything a real conservative believes.  It is none of their  business.

When government fails to adequately perform the few discrete tasks which it should be performing and now wishes to do a bunch of other things which it has no business doing in the first place, and which it will inevitably do badly and thereby cause even more problems than existed in the first place – it is time to say NO and reject this obnoxious governmental overreach and create a new coalition that could up-end the status quo.

There is a whole group of potential allies out there – the Millennials who grew up familiar with technology but chafing at their helicopter parents and the politically correct hypocrisy of the education establishment.  Many of them think of themselves as “liberals” but they have little use for bums who want to lay about sponging off producers.  Their liberalism is more about affectation and cultural posturing than about political positions – they reject the idea of anti-gay, anti-women, anti-sex conservative bogeyman they’ve been taught in the media, not conservatism itself.

The key to defeating this residual cultural affinity is twofold.  First, conservatives need to avoid feeding old stereotypes with boneheaded maneuvers like making idiotic pronouncements about rape and writing jerktastic articles about how being a gay conservative is the result of a Marxist conspiracy.  Remember, these young people grew up being taught to be tolerant.  They’re tolerant of anyone – including hardcore Christians – who are themselves tolerant.  We don’t have to accept anything we consider immoral – we just have to not be jerks about it.

Second, conservatives need to emphasize the pro-freedom agenda that both demographics share.  Millennials have no desire to be dictated to about their snack options or hellfired by some drone either.  Nor do they want to get arrested for jailbreaking their iPhone or sued for a $100,000 for downloading the latest terrible Mumford & Son song.  And for those who have found jobs in the Obama economy, the tax bite on their pay stubs is just as unwelcomed.

Hey, if  you don’t like the name Conservative Bite Me Coalition, we can just as easily call it the Coalition of the Unwilling To Be Bossed Around.

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